Dear Sarah Jane,
Today was dumb. I booked a patron some tickets for the wrong night, had to placate a company manager, phone ran out of credit, folded hundreds of programmes for our community day, and realised my favourite dress is getting too tight (damn you, tatertots! I shake my fists at your tiny, buttery, potato-filled mmmmmmmmm.. No! No!).
I'm in a filthy mood so I thought I would write a list of irritating things. Some general, some specific; ALL irritating. Enjoy.
1). People Who Think I'm British
Having to explain several times a day to cute old Jewish ladies from Long Island that I'm not from London is starting to wear thin. "I know you're speakin' the Queen's English bud I jus' don' unnerstan' you."
2). The Way Gala Darling Stands in All Her Photos
Listen Gala, I quite like your blog. I like how you're sort of like a skinny pakeha Oprah, with your advice about embracing your flaws and baking cupcakes and shit. But please stop standing with your legs all turned in like a manga character with polio. It's irritating. Sorry.
3). Massachusetts Mosquitoes the Size of Sparrows
I have a theory starting to emerge about this. Maybe there's a whole underground blackmarket in steroids out here in the rich-kids land of the Berkshires. Perfect abs and pecs to go with their perfect holiday homes and vast amounts of perfect leisuretime. The mosquitoes feed on a hot summers night and BAM! It's like a 1950s horror movie, like the Incredible Shrinking Man in reverse.
4). Fucking. Twilight. Saga.
The Oatmeal sums it up nicely.
5). Sleeping alone.
This is the dumbest thing of all, worse than Gala's polio legs. I miss that boy back home. Can you put him in a Fed-Ex parcel and ship him over here?
xxxxx
Rebecca
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